i realize it's as simple as it can be. i just need to apply myself.
i am watching Oprah right now and this episode was so emotional. It taught me not to take life for granted.. and feeling guilty.. i know i am. It's so hard for me to admit it but it's the truth. As i get older i find it harder to express how i feel because i feel like i can't fix it. like now.. i can't.
Today is a lot different.. i woke up at 6 am on my own. feeling so fresh. i like this feeling.. i can get use to this. Also, today i felt as if it seems like i am familiar with this feeling.. and it hit home. This feeling that i had this morning is a feeling of serenity.. a safe haven for me. I felt as if nothing can go wrong.. i felt true love that i know i can have. As crazy as it seems i love a guy that doesn't even know who i am. I don't let guys into my heart bc i am afraid to take the broken pain, but i secretly let myself love. I scared that i am not good enough for him. I guess the saying is true, when you have what you want.. it's never enough.
i need to take a stand.. for me.
i really depends how you look about things.. with me sometimes things can look up.. but i think thats because i am really optimistic. i tend to rule out the bad things depending on my mood. I know i shouldn't do that.. i am grateful for what i have but for some reason i feel like i am more empty inside than full. i have to believe in god for guidance because without him.. i am nothing.
whats does happy mean anymore?
took a dance class today.. it's been a long while.. i am so rusty.. i need to take class more often.
i think a have a shopping problem. i always have this urge to buy something.. and i have to remind myself that i can't... i have to lose weight, then i can reward myself with something nice. I really want to lose 15 to 20lbs by may.. it's so hard.. i am an emotional and boredom eater.. i need to stop and really do this diet through and through. GOD please be w/ me!
a lot of things needs to stop and a lot of things needs to change. I need to be in full force dedicated. i need be strong for me.. I need to do all this for me! Because in the end.. all i have is me.
